BACK FROM EXILE

I'm back from my self-imposed exile to the mountains. No email, no web access-- I kinda felt like I was letting everyone down by being out of touch for so long, but nothing to be done. I was only going to stay until Sunday, but after Jim came up with the boys on Sat and I had my first quality time with them since the surgery I realized I was better off away from them. I can't take care of my kids and it sucks. Picture, if you will, baby boy on the floor crying for his mommy hands outstretched reaching for her to pick him up and she can't do it. Next scene: rambunctious almost-3 year old preparing to jump from the couch into mom's lap, dad zooms in, warning in a I'm-not-messing-around voice "don't touch her!" (exit sad almost-3-year old, stage left). I feel like it's worse when I'm around because Jim (who has more superpowers than Radioactive Boob Woman and Superman put together) is trying to take care of them and make sure I don't do something stupid and hurt myself, which is a valid fear.
Speaking of doing stupid things, that label that says "Do Not Drink Alcoholic Beverages" on the drug container is NOT KIDDING. Yesterday morning was the last time I needed Vicoden. 8+ hours later we went out to dinner. I had a margarhita with (a big) dinner, thinking "what the heck, done breastfeeding and off the meds..." After dinner my friends were looking around a store when I felt really miserable and my vision started to tunnel. "Something's wrong." I told them, right before I almost passed out and they carry/led me out into the fresh air ("don't grab her left side" always-thinking pam says). Quick recovery, thank goodness, but apparently my party-hearty days are still off in the horizon.
In better news, I have discovered Sudoku-- a fun/addictive logic puzzle-- I'm really optimistic I will be better at it once I'm less fuzzy-brained.
Told you I am an optimist.